Lessons learned from the tough trial of Divorce and leaning on God

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Walking in someone else’s shoes

Over the recent months, I have heard the same story over and over again from many clients.
 People tell me to just get over it and move on It is not quite that simple. Divorce rates appear to be on the rise.

Until you have walked in someone else’s shoes, do not judge them or give them harsh advice. It only makes matters much worse.

In my own experience, I had someone abruptly leave and at the time had not a clue as to Why?

What I thought would be forever was over in a blink, which I have learned is the case of many individuals.
When I thought I was the companion in the relationship, much to my dismay, I discovered there were three of us. It was devastating.   In my story, which is the case of so many, I
had nowhere to turn. Most Family was deceased, and my children were away at school.  People offer harsh advice, and some turn their back. It is hard enough going through the most painful experience of life, but when friends are harsh or estranged, the pain became much worse. “Get over it or move away -move away far…” this was not reality. Although friends do mean well, if they have not walked in your shoes, they do not know what to say.
Ridicule and judgment prevailed. It is Life at its toughest.

I could go on and on how tough it was OR share the honest reality of it being one of the best trials of life.
God can turn a TRIAL into a TRIUMPH

TEST into a TESTIMONY and VICTIM into a VICTORY

The harsh reality of “friends” that turned was God taking out those who were not real friends, and God teaching me to learn to let go and trust that he has a new plan. In my case he sure did, and it was far better than anything I could have ever imagined.

The extreme reality of a relationship ending was because God had a new beginning waiting on the horizon

The challenge of loneliness was to learn that God is always present and of course God spelled backward is Dog. A dog that is the most significant representation of God on earth. A dog has unconditional love and always happy to see you.  It took someone leaving to realize the beauty and innocence of a pet.

The powerful impact of being a statistic of “not making it” was only to show that in the future open your eyes and take time to know your potential mate. Do not assume you found the perfect match, take the time to make sure they are the ideal match. The key here is TIME.

In the infamous book, Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill states that one of the biggest causes of failure is choosing the wrong spouse. It is because they Bring you down instead of rising to yours.”

The feeling of worthlessness was only to realize codependence had set in and it was time to become whole and lose the dependence.

The intense sadness was only to wake up to realize you may not be missing a partner but missing a lifestyle(meaning I was quite complacent in my environment). These are two very different entities.

No matter how hard and how terrible the time is right now to hold on and learn some valuable lessons. These lessons will transcend on throughout life and make life better for you and all those you choose to help that are experiencing their unfortunate journey.

As Winston Churchill once wisely said “If you’re going through hell. Keep going; you will eventually get out!

As stated in the beginning, unless someone has walked through your shoes, be cognizant and careful not to take their advice to heart. Many people do not intend you be hurtful. It is that they have never “walked in your shoes.”

Therapy is the key to embarking on a positive path for your future. You will get unbiased support and unconditional positive regard. Make sure you find a licensed therapist experienced in recovery from divorce or break up.

2018-05-17T20:04:49+00:00

About the Author:

I am a licensed Psychotherapist, practicing in the Central Florida area. I specialize in Trauma and Abuse Recovery, Relationship issues and Narcissistic Abuse Recovery. My approach is eclectic, including various modalities ranging from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Structural Family therapy, Behavior Modification, Emotion Focused Therapy and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). I have extensive training and /or certification in all the modalities I have presented.